In order to become a zombie you have to eat brains, right? Isn't there a clause?

I'm not too familiar with Zombie lore, but I feel like you have to get bitten/eaten by one, you can't just not sleep for days on end, right? Because kids, I ain't gettin much. The LO is passed out in her car seat from our late-night trip to Wal-Mart but I can't wind down enough. Mostly I'm afraid that if I fall asleep she'll wake up 2 minutes later and I cannot describe to you the level of disoriented and unbalanced that leaves me. It's unreal. So I will share (what I find to be) a funny list from Groupon. Didn't know the site was about humor but I won't question.

The Groupon Guide to: Resting in Peace

The human body doesn't run on steam like it used to. Make sure it gets the rest it needs by following these tips:

• Before pulling over at a rest stop, remove all road signs indicating the existence of said area so that no one else can show up to disturb your 16-hour road nap.
• If necessary, use a sleeping mask and ear plugs to block out light and sound, and a whole apple to block out the thousands of spiders that would love nothing more than to crawl inside your sleeping mouth. [A genuine fear, thank you]
• Get the important REM cycles you need by crying yourself to sleep to the sound of "Everybody Hurts," then scaring yourself awake to "It's the End of the World as We Know It."
• Napping in a hammock is a great choice for those living in a temperate climate or a cartoon. Do not sleep in a hammock around dogs, as they will undoubtedly mistake you for a hanging sausage and then wait patiently for you to give them permission to eat you.
• As soon as you get a chance, find out what your sleep number is. This is very important, as it is also the number of months you have left to live.[I don't know why this makes me laugh out loud every time I re-read it, but it does. Maybe it's the lack of sleep.]

Random note: my latest non-essential worry is that by the time I am able to return to college I will have forgotten how to write a quality English paper and the mechanics of MLA formatting will be totally lost to me. When I transfer to OU (speak it to make it true!) I will be an upperclassman, there will be no tolerance for introduction to writing classes. When this panic surges (because I don't have enough things to legitimately concern myself with. This is sarcasm.) I rush to the Internet and re-read the OWL at Purdue's Guide to MLA formatting and refresh my knowledge.

That's right, I'm an adult.